today was thankgiving. my first non-smoking thanksgiving i can remember. i dealt. 4 weeks sunday. win. first sober thanksgiving like ever. win 2.
i spent the day with the usual group and all was good.
2 weeks to lisa.
of course, the holidays get us to thinking what we are thankful for. so i thought id list some things here now...
family (duh)
enough money to live.
health. (huge)
happiness.
freedom.
from cigarettes, drugs, dependency, all of it.
boo boo.
optimism.
growth.
learning.
today.
i cant wait to see lisa again so soon. it makes it so much more tolerable doing this every 6 months. and i am hugely grateful to the one who helped make this trip possible. that kindness is amazing to me. i guess dominic told louise the other day that his aunt jeanna was coming to visit. not his cousin's mom, but his godmother aunt jeanna. i love that. shit like that makes me know im doing my job. amazing.
amazing that he is a little person now and i remember the day that she asked me to be his godmother and how i cried. now he knows who aunt jeanna is.
still no full time job and im ok with that for now. after i get back from rochester, and after christmas is said and done, then ill start to panic. at least i have my health. really, thats all i need. my health and my sanity.
until next time...
xoxo
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Sunday, November 1, 2009
quitting. damn it.
im uber excieted to say that i have found a nicotine annonomous support group. i know i need it, so yay!
here's a couple of things i read that i want to remember...
If you have a problem and then use nicotine, you now have two problems.
Understand that you do not need nicotine (it is not nutritional).
Don't delay action toward stopping your use of nicotine because you think there are too many pressures in your life.
Think about letting go of nicotine as a "choice" rather than something you are doing to deprive yourself.
When you quit you may experience a sense of loss.
Don't dwell on these thoughts. The sense of loss is temporary, but the gains you receive will be enjoyed the rest of your life. It will become a pleasure to remove nicotine from your life.
If you feel an urge to use nicotine think H.A.L.T. Four basic triggers for using nicotine are when we are Hungry, Angry, Lonely and Tired.
There are better companions than cigarettes. As we end our relationship with nicotine there may be feelings of grief or loneliness. It is good to share what you are experiencing with others who are going through the same thing. Use your meeting's phone list to keep connected and clean with feelings of fellowship.
Our Addiction
Our use of nicotine made our lives unmanageable and most likely affected others. We have come to accept that nicotine addiction is a physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual disease.
Nicotine use affected our behavior and attitudes. The continual desire for nicotine patterned our thinking and we believed we could not live without it. We invented many rationalizations and excuses to maintain our supply of nicotine.
The biochemical effects may have instilled a false sense of pleasure or control, but we were out of control. One puff or chew was too many, and a thousand were never enough.
Left to our own devices, we would have continued to destroy our bodies, suppress our feelings and alienate our families, lovers, and friends.
here's a couple of things i read that i want to remember...
If you have a problem and then use nicotine, you now have two problems.
Understand that you do not need nicotine (it is not nutritional).
Don't delay action toward stopping your use of nicotine because you think there are too many pressures in your life.
Think about letting go of nicotine as a "choice" rather than something you are doing to deprive yourself.
When you quit you may experience a sense of loss.
Don't dwell on these thoughts. The sense of loss is temporary, but the gains you receive will be enjoyed the rest of your life. It will become a pleasure to remove nicotine from your life.
If you feel an urge to use nicotine think H.A.L.T. Four basic triggers for using nicotine are when we are Hungry, Angry, Lonely and Tired.
There are better companions than cigarettes. As we end our relationship with nicotine there may be feelings of grief or loneliness. It is good to share what you are experiencing with others who are going through the same thing. Use your meeting's phone list to keep connected and clean with feelings of fellowship.
Our Addiction
Our use of nicotine made our lives unmanageable and most likely affected others. We have come to accept that nicotine addiction is a physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual disease.
Nicotine use affected our behavior and attitudes. The continual desire for nicotine patterned our thinking and we believed we could not live without it. We invented many rationalizations and excuses to maintain our supply of nicotine.
The biochemical effects may have instilled a false sense of pleasure or control, but we were out of control. One puff or chew was too many, and a thousand were never enough.
Left to our own devices, we would have continued to destroy our bodies, suppress our feelings and alienate our families, lovers, and friends.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Monday, September 28, 2009
nothing is good.
nothing to write about either means im living a horrible unfulfilling life or that im living an amazing one.
or maybe ive just been too busy for self reflection.
i want to fall in love.
thats all i know right now.
or maybe ive just been too busy for self reflection.
i want to fall in love.
thats all i know right now.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
i dont think its about how strong a person is... just what their interests are.
i dont think its about how strong a person is... just what their interests are.
"not everyone is as strong as you"... "you are so strong to beat all you have"...
my new response is going to be that it isnt how strong you are, its if you are interested in fighting it.
ive always been fascinated with how the mind works. ive always set goals for myself. whether it be to become a more patient person, let go of anger or ditch an addiction, ive always wanted to be better tomorrow than i am today. for some people this is far from their goal. their goals are to be a good mom or wife to their overworked husband... to have nice things, to get a raise. granted, i want all those things too, but under it all my true goals never waiver.
i think thats why all these "tests" are laid before me. i was up for the challenge.
i am up for the challenge.
"not everyone is as strong as you"... "you are so strong to beat all you have"...
my new response is going to be that it isnt how strong you are, its if you are interested in fighting it.
ive always been fascinated with how the mind works. ive always set goals for myself. whether it be to become a more patient person, let go of anger or ditch an addiction, ive always wanted to be better tomorrow than i am today. for some people this is far from their goal. their goals are to be a good mom or wife to their overworked husband... to have nice things, to get a raise. granted, i want all those things too, but under it all my true goals never waiver.
i think thats why all these "tests" are laid before me. i was up for the challenge.
i am up for the challenge.
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