what makes this time different.

they say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, while expecting a different result. i tend to disagree. i think that should define a lack of awareness. i think insanity is more of a disassociation with reality... and ive definitely experienced both.

i want this time to be different.

ive seen the dark side and im make a choice to avoid it at all costs... but dont misunderstand. im not avoiding my feelings. i think its important to feel... and recognise... or your mind and body will have interesting ways of forcing you to-

im afraid.
im afraid ill fail.
im afraid ill get sucked in... but not without a fight.

maybe thats what makes this time different.
determination.
hope.

im lucky really.
im lucky to have experienced so much already.
ive seen the bitter, the cold. felt the darkness.
but ive also held joy in my hands and known where it came from and where to find it again.

i think people have a choice... when its all well and good... people make a choice to keep it that way. usually when youve been sucked into the not and the negative, you have to scratch your way out and its a bitch... but when all is well, you can keep it going.
i have a choice, when things go unexpectedly, when things go a different route... whether its a cancer diagnosis, a breakup or a lay off. whatever is thrown my way, i make the choice to find the positive.... to be happy no matter what.

my life is here. my life is now.
its perfect, however imperfect.
it can be taken away from me at any time...
so for now i chose joy.
for now, ive decided on happiness.