charisma.

im pretty happy in life. there arent many things that i want, but there are a few things i enjoy... and certain people's company is one of them.

dilemma?

of course.

there is one person in particular that i really enjoy spending my time with... not someone i'd want to have anything too serious with, and definitely not someone id want to marry... but i enjoy being with him. our schedules totally clash. he usually works pretty late and most often i am passed out before 9. if i was living outside of my mom's house, im sure it would be different. i wouldnt mind going out on a random night... but living with her, we have certain routines and i know how she likes things to be run. i feel i kinda owe that to her being that i live in her house. not to mention, she really doesnt like this guy. not one bit. its just a gut feeling she has i guess. whatever. i think its bad memories from years past. as it turns out we dated for a bit while i was using years ago... before my diagnosis. things were very different then.

anyway.

i guess my vent for the day is that i enjoy spending time with this guy and i wish i could see him more.

and i cant.