how my heart breaks.

i just wanted to say that its amazing what goes through your mind during test time.
my oncologist appointment is in 1 hour. i just did blood work this time, but it feels the same no matter what tests you do.
i was just sitting and thinking about october 5, 2006.
ran the whole day through my mind...

i wonder what my life would be like if i didnt have to worry about cancer anymore.

makes me rethink the ovaries...
makes me want to rip everything out of me and be a shell of a person without any fucking organs.

fear.

no one ever wants cancer, but i really, really dont want it now.
i have so much to do!
i guess the key is not to think about everything you want to do.

how my heart breaks.